i was walkin' with a ghost...

So I am 23 now. I think this was the oddest birthday I have ever had. I guess this what happens when you get older. It was not a bad birthday, it was just different. I guess that my life is different now.

I am not in college anymore, and that to me is still very odd. I have not fully gotten used to the thought of how I won't be going back. Ever. But I don't think that is a bad thing. I'm so excited at the possibilities of what is to come. New adventures, new people, new friends, old friends in houston, and new secrets and things that bring a smile to my face...

Here is to next step.

I've been listening to this album for about 3 or 4 years. And it is still one of my favorite albums. It's one of those that you can listen to having a good day or bad. Tonight, this song is one of the most beautiful songs that I could come across.



Yeah, you come to mind

my fake....

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
Oh, oh.

every now and then I get like this....

Pete Yorn- "all at once"
(try not to let the cunt yelling ruin the song for you.)

--------
all at once
i bring my silence
all at once
there is no more hiding
and all he wants
is to show us how it feels...




all liars in the backroom,
watch them all go down,
they can tell you what you want to hear,
but they will never stick around

I feel that my luck could change...

Everything in its Right Place


This is someone's video from the Radiohead show I was at last night. This was one of my favorite songs that they did.

Here is their set-list from last night's show:
1. 15 Step
2. Bodysnatchers
3. Lucky
4. Morning Bell
5. Nude
6. Pyramid Song
7. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
8. The Gloaming
9. National Anthem
10. Faust Arp
11. Videotape
12. Optimistic
13. Where I End and You Begin
14. Reckoner
15. Everything In Its Right Place
16. All I Need
17. There There

Encore:
Jigsaw Falling Into Place
House of Cards
Climbing Up The Walls
Planet Telex
Street Spirit (fade out)

Encore 2:
You And Whose Army?
Idioteque


It was an amazing show. I'm so glad that I got to share it with my friends. I got a little teary eyed during lucky, a huge personal favorite. Magical, mind-blowing, and visually spectacular....and beautiful. I guess that is the best way to describe it.

There's a pretty, young thing in front of you...and she's real pretty, and she's real into you...

so much has happened this week.
good.
bad.
horrible.
the worst.

But I guess I got through the cusp. above the cusp? I'm starting to see more, I've got my eyes open, glasses on, and I'm just trying to look on, look ahead. I just want to learn from my mistakes and work very hard not to repeat them.

Tomorrow, my friends come to town. Saturday, my friends come to town. And though they aren't necessarily coming to see me, I'm pretty excited to get to see them and my friends living in Houston now.

Saturday, Radiohead comes to town. Radiohead with 15 of my friends? I can't even fathom it.

I've been listening to this song all week. I love it. Kind of depressing lyrics, but it's hard not to dance and smile to it. I have a great memory with this song in my past. Now, it has a whole new meaning.

So I went up to college station on friday night. I had a prior engagement and went up to see some friends graduate and just to visit. short, but nice. It's nice to see old faces.

Spent the evening last night with the extended hansens. my little matty is all grown up.

Instead of going out last night, decided to call it a night early. Thank goodness I got home early.
I was sleeping and I work up to a storm. Just thought it was a regular, but then i heard these noises
turns out it was a tornado.

a little frightening. not going to lie. I thought it was just the tree next to my window. turns out it was the tree and a combination of baseball size hell. Felt a little like the sound of music, when the children were frightened by the weather. I tried to just hide under my covers, but the noise was horrible. luckily it did not last that long. no damage to my car.

but what a strange sight to see of piles or hail (ice) all over the yard in the middle of may.

you're screaming out the window at the stars, "please don't drive me home..."

if there is only one thing that i know i will have for the rest of my life, be it long or short, i know for certain what it is.

it is love.


That may sound ridiculous to you or someone else, but to me, it is the truth. I could never not love. No matter how stressful, crappy, or tiring life could be, there is something i love. I love my friends. Every part of them. I know most of them know that I'll be there for them in the end, there when they need someone, there as much as I could be.

I love trees. I love stars. I love their beauty with every ounce of my body. I would hug all the trees and stars in the world, in the universe, if i could. Just to tell them how grateful I am to them and everything they have given me. Sure they have given me shelter and light, but what they may not all realize is how much they have brought me closer to my friends, the people i care most about in my life. They brought us together through songs about them, to sitting underneath them to share stories, secrets, or laughter. To guiding us in the night time when we had no other light when walking down the streets when our parents were still sleeping, to those nights on cliffs, roofs, runways, driveways, open roads, city roads, anywhere where we got to admire their splendor.

I've had tears built up all afternoon in my eyes. I thought that they would come out about something else, but now they have left my eyes because I'm so happy thinking how lucky I have been in life. Lucky in my friends. Though I don't live in the same city as some of them right now, and some I may never live in the same city with every again, I am so lucky to have had those times. To spend time and moments and experiences that people that I loved and that at least for that moment, loved me too.

I will always love those memories.i will always love these memories. i will always love trees. i will always love stars. and i will always love my friends.

...I came here on a train, in search of something pretty, it's my heart i have to blame...

the second day was much better than the first.
it's crazy to think that this is my new life.
I work on the 11th floor of an office in the galleria area.
I have a cubicle, a work email, and my own extension.

work is already getting so crazy. it's a little frightening.
i think i'll be ok.
in the end, i'll be ok.

Parallel lines-kings of convenience

I start my new job in about an hour.

I'm scared shitless, and all I can think to myself is,

"How did I get here and what am i doing?"

land locked blues

so much has been happening, so many thoughts in my head....

I've had quite a few things that have been weighing heavy on my heart. I guess secrets will do that to you. I've been debating about what to do about a situation for awhile now, but this past week/weekend, I've really been thinking about it because i've had some down time and other factors.

I've been working all weekend from my house on my freelance gig stuff. And today at the house, my aunt and uncle were watching their grandkids, who are 2(3?) and 5. Callie is the younger one. We were driving them over to their new house after dinner so I could see my cousin and our painting skills we had been working on all weekend. I was listening to this wonderful song on the radio that i wish i knew what it was, but all i can remember is a line being repeated this is something around the extent of "I feel like I would know myself a little bit better..." and Callie was sitting in my lap (it was the backseat and we were only 8 blocks in the 'burbs). She and I were both just looking out the window as we were being driven there. We were both just watching the world go by.

I don't really want to just watch my life. I want to actually live it. I really need to determine what exactly I want in life. I think I tell myself often that I don't want certain things because of a fear of rejection. But I don't think I should have to settle because of that fear. There is no reason that I should not be deserving of things. Not all things, but some. I shouldn't cheat myself out of life or happiness because i'm scared.

I'm scared of so much though. Failure, being alone, sadness, being disliked, or passed aside. Those consequences scare the crap out of me. But what is a life worth living if you don't take risks and don't go after what your heart really wants?

I'm not saying I'm looking for "the next best thing" or always looking for something better. But where is the line of deserving better and having what you need?



i thought i knew what to do....but i don't.

The Kanye West Glow In The Dark Tour Recap

performers: lupe fiasco, n.e.r.d., rihanna, and kanye

all 4 acts were amazing. ri-ri was unbelievable. she was probably one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my life. The kanye show was visually amazing. his acting was a little bit ridiculous at time. I'm not looking forward to the complaints from the screens going out....

well worth the money spent on tickets...

this may be bad luck, but fingers crossed it won't be! *ba-dum-dum-chhhh*

so i just found a fortune cookie in the office kitchen.
so i ate it as a snack.
here is what the fortune said.

"no need to worry! you will always have everything you need."



i hope that is true. :/

....on a leash

I accepted the live nation job.
I start next week.
I realize just how incredible awkward i can be at times, and it makes me want to chooch.



guhhhhhhhh. I wish i could have this awkward bone removed from my body, but then what would my friends have to laugh at me for.......