christmas has come and gone.
some was good, some not so much.

got to see some old friends this weekend.
got to have the old and the new together.
it was pretty great.

I'm looking quite forward to 2009.
a lot of things are in store.


i know this because i'm going to make them happen, and you never know what the world has in store for you....but i'm looking forward to it and I'm ready for it....

Shitload Of Math Due Monday

12.5.08
The Onion

********************************************************************

OLD BRIDGE, NJ—In what many are calling a complete bullshit move, Riverside High School algebra teacher Mrs. Trella, 34, assigned her sixth-period class an assload of math homework due Monday.

The homework, which included a number of impossible to solve word problems, several stupid equations, and a bunch of other pointless crap, was assigned at the end of class on Friday. According to sources, Trella handed out the homework at approximately 2:43 p.m., even though it was a completely unfair thing to do and would totally screw over everyone's weekend.

"She assigned it right before the bell rang," said ninth-grader Kenny Riley, who claimed that the last thing he needed was to spend all day Sunday looking at some retarded math book. "I was packing up my stuff to go when Mrs. Trella comes out of nowhere and gives us, like, four huge pages of work to take home."

Added Riley, "Fuuuuuuccck."

In addition to its poor timing, students expressed outrage Friday over the length of the math assignment, which some estimated would take fucking forever to complete, and was even more tedious than that lame history project from Mr. Shepard's global studies class.

Students also cited the need to show one's work, circle final answers to get full credit, and use the quadratic formula—whatever that is—as leading indicators of how hard the homework sucked.

"We did so much work in class already," said Michelle Siringano, who still plans to go to the mall with several friends on Saturday. "Mrs. Trella just wants us to be as miserable as she is."

According to a recent survey, Trella pulls this kind of stupid bullshit all the time. In November, the 34-year-old announced a surprise math test that wasn't even about stuff that made any sense, while earlier this year, Trella reportedly lost her mind and assigned homework on the very first day of school.

Sources still have not confirmed what the fuck that was about.

Some students have warned that if classmates did not complete last week's assignment on polynomials there was no way in hell they were going to understand Friday's work. Making matters worse, students said, was their math textbook, which reportedly doesn't even have any of the freaking answers in the back.

So far, various attempts have been made to get out of doing the required work. Many students, such as Daniel Gill, have considered leaving their heavy-ass bags in their lockers and coming in early on Monday to copy the answers from that douche Brian Raffel.

Still others planned to come up with some kind of genius excuse before Monday, such as forgetting their assignment on the bus, getting food poisoning, or maybe having their grandmother pass away over the week- end and being way too sad to think about doing math.

Despite being a total nut-job who hates her life and probably never gets laid, Trella claimed that assigning the weekend work wasn't something she wanted to do.

"We were falling a little behind," the conniving bitch said. "I just wanted them to catch up so they wouldn't have any extra work to do over the break."

In the words of E.E. Cummings...

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."

"To destroy is always the first step in any creation."

"Unless you love someone, nothing else makses sense."



love
love
loves those.

all that you can't leave behind

It's been awhile.

Things should be great. But when things look like they are moving up, something always seems to change.

I wrecked my car this past week. I can't begin to describe how terrifying of an ordeal it was. Its a sickening feeling. You would have thought I killed someone or had gotten a dwi. Everyone keeps telling me that everything will be ok. But I can't seem to believe them.

I guess I am just scared. But I guess I probably should be...

day o' thanks

Another thanksgiving. My 23rd to be exact.

It is easy for us as human's to relish in what has gone wrong in our lives. But today we are supposed to be thankful.

I am thankful for a great many of things. I am thankful for my family and my friends but of course. I'm thankful for having a job and a nice apartment in this shiteous economy we have right now. I'm thankful for everything I've experienced in my life. I'm thankful for every day that I've lived these last 23.5 years.

It is hard to remeber just how lucky we are sometimes when life isn't working out the way we thought. But if you really step back and look, you will see...

Tomorrow we go back to being friends...

oh, oh, oh but a weekend it has been. What a last 3 (four?) days it's been.

The weekend was full of many smiles, many laughs, many good times; as always you have to take the good with the bad, but it's worth it. In the end, it all works itself out. That's what being an adult is all about. Learning to juggle, learning to live. It's not such a bad thing to be selfish every once in awhile, for everyone involved and everyone to do what they want to do. This is the only life you have, so you might as well enjoy it. And I'm glad that you do...and I'm glad that I do too.

Sunday night, I had a pretty once in a life time experience.... I got to see Esther herself perform....MADONNA.

Words really cannot describe the whole experience; the lights, the visuals, Madge herself... it was all incredible, fabulous, shocking, wonderful... every adjective you could possibly thing of at one point or another during her close to 2 hour performance.

Set List:
"Candy Shop" (Hard Candy, 2008)
"Beat Goes On" (Hard Candy)
"Human Nature" (Bedtime Stories, 1994)
"Vogue" (I'm Breathless, 1990)
"Into the Groove" (Like a Virgin, 1984)
"Heartbeat" (Hard Candy)
"Borderline" (Madonna, 1983)
"She's Not Me" (Hard Candy)
"Music" (Music, 2000)
"Devil Wouldn't Recognize You" (Hard Candy)
"Spanish Lesson" (Hard Candy)
"Miles Away" (Hard Candy)
"La Isla Bonita" (True Blue, 1986)
"You Must Love Me" (Evita, 1996)
"4 Minutes" (Hard Candy)
"Like a Prayer" (Like a Prayer, 1989)
"Ray of Light" (Ray of Light, 1998)
"Hung Up" (Confessions on a Dancefloor, 2005)
"Give It 2 Me" (Hard Candy)

add in there an improptu verse or two of "secret" and also the song she did for one of the bond movies....


simply spelindid...

Do something good for public education. Someone once did it for you years and years ago...

Hopefully Mississippi will lynch you like it did me...

I’m a cabaret
A champagne café
Everyone uses to celebrate
But I’m just not ready to rot and dance and laugh
to the sweetest death I ever had…


original recording; stupid video (why is this the only way to get videos off youtube. BLAH)


original singer with his new band

I wish everyone saying they will leave because of obama would go ahead and leave already. Your facebook status and rants aren't going to change anything.

Stand united or get the fuck out.

i give you miles and miles of mountains, but you ask for the sea...

the time changed this morning.
it's the start of fall.
it's the start of winter.

i'm cleaning my house listening to Damien Rice's "O"

i'm starting it all...

Then something unusual something strange
comes from nothing at all

We have the facts... and we're voting YES...

when your apologies fail to ring true, you're so slick with that sarcastic slew or phrases like 'I thought you knew'





in the end, I win every time as ink remains

Family Tree....

The tv on the radio show last night...
amazing.

one of those times that gives you hope in the future and shows you that beauty can be found in the least likely of places...

my heart just broke a little.
granted it's been broken before.
It's a shade between red and black.
But i think i just got a little crack that's deeper then some of the cracks from my past.

This one may not heal as quick as the other ones...if it even ever heals at all...

love and death are always on my mind....

Oh the stills. Just saw them before we are scientists and kings of leon take the stage.

No matter how many times certain friends say the stills suck live, I will argue on just how great of an album "logic will break your hearts" is. Animals and insects, lola stars in stripes, still in love, love and death... They are such fucking great songs and they never get old.

So for now I sit and wait for some we are scientists and some kings of leons.

Don't stop the rock...

in toe with my "Amy" hat on, I took travis to work with me; getting paid overtime to watch crazy fans meet Jason Mraz and shoot the shit with him for a bit? Not bad...

This week will be busy, but i've got a lot to look forward to...

-alkaline trio popping up somewhere tomorrow night
-kings of leon, the stills, and we are scientists tuesday night
-tv on the radio wednesday night
-australian pink floyd & alejandro escovedo thursday night
-cheech and chong/ willie nelson friday night
-willie nelson saturday night

Finally, this is happening to me....

t-o-n-i-g-h-t.

m-f-

m-s-t-r-k-r-f-t


after all these years....

What a splendid, much needed evening...

one with friends, one with dancing, one with smiles, laughter, love, and a feeling that i have not seen or felt in such a long time.

I am a very lucky girl with the friends in my life, the people i work with, and the places i go.

The Aqua V-Neck Shirt

I stayed in last night. My cold/allergies got the best of me yesterday, I've got the grand opening tonight, and I just wasn't in any mood to go out.

I woke up early and decided that I had to do my laundry, since i hadn't done it since before acl (gross, i know). So after reading for a bit, i just kind of looked up to catch the timer on the dryer. And then, i got side tracked staring at the laundry turn over and over again. I have this bright aqua color v-neck. The v-neck would sometimes come into view, but it would always get trampled by something else, sweat pants, shirts, jeans...always something else. Sometimes the shirt would not come into view for a long time, because other clothes just knocked it out of the way.

It made me think about how people/friends are a lot like laundry. Well, a lot like clothes. Or i guess that you are like articles of clothing. My aqua v-neck: it's new, it only comes out for certain things, i like how it fits. My soccer sweats only come out when i'm around the house, after a long day of work, or when it comes to the end of laundry. They've been around for 8 years. I know they are always at home when i have had a long day of work.

So it made me think. what type of clothing am i? how do people and my friends see me? am i the new v-neck, the old soccer sweats, the ragged tshirt you only wear while doing laundry, the favorite red-hoodie, or the gold, glittery shoes that might be the coolest things you have ever seen?

I think each person is something different to everyone. And that's not a bad thing. You can't be everyone favorite red-hoodie or gold glittery shoes. And you can't just have red hoodies and gold shoes. Nor can you wear the same thing everyday. I do know that much about life...

the cold air will rush your hard, heart away....

i'm 23 (and a half) years old. I live in my own apt. I pay my own bills. And daily I try to draw lots of people to concerts all over this large city. All these things should make me an adult. I should know how to act like an adult. But i'm still learning. I'm trying to be an adult. but really want does an adult do at the tough times?

it's definitely the start of fall, winter is on the horizon, because the cooler weather always bring along some heartache and sadness. Tonight I was driving around the loop wondering what to do with myself. I didn't want to go to my empty apt. I had no one to go visit because they were either not at home, busy, or the other. I wanted to drive to see my aunt and just cry. to just tell her everything that i couldn't deal with or everything that hurt so bad.

And as i kept driving around the loop and further from my house, i realized i couldn't do it. I wanted to, i wanted her to just hug me and tell me that everything will be ok. That work won't always be so busy, stress won't always be so high, life won't always get you down...

My tough act can only go so far. I can only put up face for a certain amount of time. I'm not as thick skinned as I wish. I get upset, i get hurt. I've been fucked over. hard. and i have no desire for that to happen again. I'm not naive enough to think that people won't hurt/i won't be hurt in the future.

So as an adult, I have to find how to get thicker skin, face life head on, and just live the best life I can.

I don't think this life lesson is going to be so easy to figure out

Days that are over Will not continue to last If you try to construct the past

Today, I've been playing all my Sondre Lerche albums. I've been a fan since high school, and I used to listen to them quite often (his norweigian english is such a great example of winter music).

While getting ready for bed, it's made me ponder about life (something i do quite often). I think back to all the times in college to when i would listen to sondre so much; where i was, who i was with, what was going on in my life at the time, how old i was, ect...

It made me think about how, I don't think I ever saw myself or imagined I would be where I was today. You may think, well, you aren't really anywhere. But I am. It makes me think of the quote "If you ever want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for the future..." People that have 5 to 10 year goals make me giggle.

I've always been pretty vague when it comes to "dreams;" I've always just had this overwhelming desire to just be utterly happy when i "grow up." It's not that i lived this horribly depressing childhood/adolescence (not that it didn't have it's fair share of heart aches). I guess I can see myself happy by doing a lot of things, and that is something that isn't easily able to be described to others.

This desire of happiness is the main reason i got involved in "the music business." As I got older and older, music was the only constant thing that i loved through out my later years in life. The great thing about music is that there are so many facets that you can get involved in. You don't have to be musically gifted.... you just have to find a job that's doing something "tolerable" or something you enjoy doing.

I used to believe that doing what "your passion was" would end to you at one point beginning to hate what you once loved. I guess it works out that my passion is happiness.... because then i cannot get burned out with music and concerts....

oh dear...i've gotten distracted. this is the pitfalls of working too hard. your brain doesn't think about other stuff (i.e. life and the events surrounding it)

So now i lay down to get ready to go to sleep again, to wake up and face the day. To brace myself to take on the tasks of work, the tasks of being "an adult"; But i'm looking and I'm still striving for that dream of being just utterly happy... and one day, I realize just what that is...

The Beat goes round and round...

it's been quite the last few months. I've been working so hard these past 3-4 months with getting ready for the opening of house of blues houston, and I can't believe it was actually all pulled off.

Last night was the first night. And ALMOST everything went off with out a glitch; (one of the big signs did say hose of blues (priceless).

I've been almost to the point of breaking a couple times this past month or 2. But I just tried to take a deep breath and take care of stuff. I met a lot of different people over the last few days from other house of blues, corporate, radio stations, yadda yadda. And it was an amazing feeling to have those people thank you for your work and what a great job they think you have been doing. I wasn't expecting that or some other possible news that i got.

I'm just really grateful. I'm still overwhelmed with everything that is going on around me, but I think I'm going to make it after all. I have people along side of me to help me get through it, and I have people that believe in the good work that I'm doing. Maybe that's all I need after all....

still cock stoppin....

I just talked to my old roomie, ms. valerie bishop.

i love her dearly, and she makes me miss college and our crummy little apt...

but we both are representing the cock stop well....

Remind me to spend some good time with you...

I feel the chaos around me
A thing I don't try to deny
I'd better learn to accept that
There are things in my life that I can't control





They say love ain't nothing but a sore
I don't even know what love is
Too many tears have had to fall
Don't you know I'm so tired of it all
I have known terror dizzy spells
Finding out the secrets words won't tell
Whatever it is it can't be named
There's a part of my world that' s fading away
You know I don't want to be clever
To be brilliant or superior
True like ice, true like fire
Now I know that a breeze can blow me away
Now I know there's much more dignity
In defeat than in the brightest victory
I'm losing my balance on the tight rope
Tell me please, tell me please, tell me please...

She stands anticipating...to understand you...

It's officially the start of Fall, thus it's October. Been pretty busy lately post ike. House guests, destroyed city, work, and getting ready for the opening of HOB.

I just returned home from my 5th acl. It wasn't the best, it wasn't the worst, but I had some good times. If anything, I came back with a new clarity. I came back with things a little bit more figured out. Everyone that was with me has meaned something greatly to me in my life at one point or another. Some of my best friends were on this trip. I ran into other new friends and old friends along the way.

I realized or came to realize it more just how much I believe in things happening for a reason. And one day, it makes sense. People are the same way. They come in and out of your life, and sometimes right away you don't realize why they are here, but then it hits you. And you couldn't imagine them not being in your life at this point.

And for that, you are filled with great happiness. And if there is one thing that everyone in this world deserves, it's a little happiness and smiles....


off subject remark-----> don't go see the movie "Towelhead"; despite being written by Alan Ball, it was HORRIBLE.

not forgotten...

one of the things i love/hate most about my mind is it's abliity to wonder. I can sometimes get on these tangents and have no idea how my mind even jumped that far. Sometimes it's quite frightening, but others, like the present, they are wonderful.

Case in point, my love and awkward obsession with James Iha. For those not aware, James Iha was a guitarist in The Smashing Pumpkins and A Perfect Circle. He currently still hates Billy Corgan and refuses to ever reunite with him, and he and another past member (D'arcy *insert sully swooning*) are suing corgan for royalities to sp ringtones. gotta love the 21st century....

But yeah...James Iha. Le sigh...

Don"t wanna...

Ike,

You are proving to be a huge thorn in my side and a pain in my ass.

Thanks a-fucking-lot.


amy

Rock steady and sturdily on, you turnin' me no turnin' back the further we

(Go) go, go, go, go, go and on the count of three
(Go) go, go, go, go, go and on the count of three
(Go) go, go, go, go, go, go
And on the count of three everybody run back to your fantasy, now

i just got an email in my work inbox that says, "Welcome to the Family, Amy."

and there you have it world...Monday morning.

To say I am excited about this movie would be a huge understatement...

And as the summers ending,
the cold air will rush your hard heart away.
You were so condescending,
as the alcohol drained the days.
And as the summers ending,
the cold air will rush your hard heart away.
You were so condescending.
And this is all that's left,
The empty bottles spent cigarettes so pack a change of clothes
'cause its time to move on.

'cause this alone is all i have to give...

my kind's your kind

they say california
is a recipe for a black hole
i say I got my best shoes on....

I'm ready to go....
ready to go....
ready to go....
i'm ready to gooooooooo

You asked for nothing, why don't you share it...

during the day, i get over come with so many thoughts and feelings about my life going on.
not necessarily about work stress or projects, but my feelings on how my life is constantly changing.

sometimes i have this overpowering feeling that it's all crashing down around me.
that pretty soon, my life will be in shambles, and i'll be alone and lost.

but by the end of the day, at around that time that i'm getting ready to lay down to sleep in preparation for tomorrow, i start to see things a little bit more clear.
i start to see that what i think was important isn't so important.
what earlier in the day made me sad or felt depressing, i realize is just frivolous.

sometimes things and people are just the same way.
frivolous.

i realize other's tactics of showing meaning in their life or no longer the same as mine.
i don't ever want to scale the importance of things or people in that way ever again.
and i won't.

growing up is hard to do.
it all comes a day at a time, a step at a time.
i'm not fearing it as much as I used to.
I'm starting to see the upsides to growing up prove much greater rewards then the past.

so as i lay my head down to sleep, i will drift off dreaming of what tomorrow has in store and my mind will wonder on what new things, new thoughts, and new feelings are to come....


"All of the time you wait, there's somebody out there"

you keep saying the past is not dead....
stop and smell the smoke....

Selfless, Cold, and Composed....

so many things i've wanted to write about.
so many interesting things have happened.

i wish i would have written them all down sooner.

today, i was at central market for lunch. i went to get away from everything going on around me. this guy was taking too long of a time in the soup line. i was getting really impatient, but i stayed quiet. i noticed an old man (old enough to be a grandfather, but looked more like willie nelson) waiting on the other side of the slow, slow business man. when he was done, i dove in to get my lid for my cup, i asked the older man if he would like a lid too. he was so taken back, he hesitated to speak. he told me why yes and thank you. while we were walking to check out, he handed me a napkin when he got one.

i was having a really bad day today. in fact, it never really got any better. i was in no mood to do anything nice for strangers, especially after having about 5 minutes wasted waiting for slowly mcsouperson. I don't know if I did it because I've always had these manners bestowed in me or if because i knew it was just something to do. to help someone (even if it was just a lid) when you could. then that older man doing something nice back to me because of it. slowly mcsouperson also got a lid from me, despite him making me miss some pages in my book.

i guess the point is, even though you don't want to do something nice or take the time to help others when you have so much other stuff going on in your life, sometimes it's just something you do. whether if you are trying to be righteous or not.

if we never did anything nice for other people, what kind of world would we be living in?

when we see it...we don't believe it

i just worked "my" first show.
it was a long night.
they aren't ready for change.
but here i am.
i'm not going anywhere.

i like when happiness pops up in the least likely spots,
in the least likely of people.

I'm glad to have those reminders that it's going to be ok.
i'm going to be ok.
and that i have people with me through the good and the bad.


nothing says good night like those songs that you just want to scream at the fucking top of your lungs for everyone to hear.
those songs where you can tell someone why that one line is so significant.


and for now...i sleep. dreaming of tomorrow. what is to come and what it can be...

Nothing wrong, Nothing right...

i don't do well with days off for non-vacation holidays.
i think too much. my mind wanders too much.

i get these thoughts. and i wonder if it is just me remembering
how i used to feel or is it how i still feel? i
i like to believe it is just me remembering....

i found my old journals today. re-reading the past, reliving the past is rough.

in college you can always find someone to hang out with when you just need to be around company.
too bad the real world isn't like that.

i won't be around forever, and i won't be waiting either.

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take...

Players only love you when their playing...

its been a long but good week.

my job is busy, but it makes me happy. and that is always good.

had my last weekend at the lake for awhile, but it was just what i needed. i had two of my girls, some special guests, and lots of sleep and down time.

I'm ready to take on everything. or so i hope.

for the first time in about a year or more, i started painting. it feels so good. even if i don't know what the end prouduct is going to be, even though i know it won't turn out that great. the feeling of making something again, the feeling of creating something, the feeling of actually being able to describe a thought in my head... is wonderful.

really?????

I do not like someone hacking into my facebook or playing a joke, and getting me kicked off facebook.

really?

fucking assholes.

so i'm sitting in someone's bed (i don't know who because they have already gone to work) in hot springs, ak.

It is so weird to be back. I've been in hot springs at least once in the last two summers (three counting this one). Last year I lived here, but the year before that matt and I came to visit sara. last year, sara, andrew, and jessica came to visit me. and now, jessica, andrew, amber, and I are visiting marcus (and andrea, poodle, charlsey, and chris).

I'm still kind of in awe. I think it will hit me more when I'm at the park. I'm very excited to get to take everyone around the city and show them how i spent 4 months here last summer.

I'm hoping for a great 24 hours. I'm already wishing I didn't have to leave so soon.

We've got a face made for smiling, but we are weeping...

i have no idea what i'm doing.
I have no idea what I want.


like that john mayer song goes...
"You can find me
If you ever want again
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around the bend
I'll be around

And if you never stop when you wave goodbye
You just might find if you give it time you will wave hello again
You just might wave hello again

And that's the way this wheel keeps working now
That's the way this wheel keeps working now

You can't love too much one part of it
You can't love too much one part of it

I believe that my life's gonna see
The love I give returned to me."

ash to ash, dust to dust

george michael.

like wow. amazing.

pictures and video to come.

weekends/summer

times with friends are nice.
laughter.
smiles.
hugs.
couches.
movies.
lakes.

those things are favored.

Back to Black

I'm reading books again.
It's nice.
They make me happy.

Keeps Georgia on my mind...

This song is one of my favorite willie songs. It atleast makes up for no "good" video of him singing "crazy"

I'm crazy
crazy for feeling so lonely
I'm crazy
crazy for feeling so blue
I know
you'd love me as long as you wanted
then someday
leave me for somebody new

All I wanted to do was post a video of willie nelson singing "crazy". I saw him last night, and I forgot just how amazing he is and how lovely his music can make you feel. Please try to find a video of him singing it. Little known fact, though Patsy Cline sang the song, it was Willie who wrote it. <3


worry
why do I let myself worry
wondering
what in the world did I do
crazy
for thinking that my love could hold you
I'm crazy for crying
I'm crazy for trying
I'm crazy for loving you



I'm so glad I decided to go to the show.

Will the real Hunter S. Thompson please stand up...

Last night i had the extreme pleasure of getting to go see the premiere of "Gonzo." The documentary was about the life and works of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. It was one of the most amazing films I have ever seen. I was familiar with him and his works before I saw the film, but I had no idea just how much of an impact he and his works had on society. He was not a saint by any means, but what he was in search of giving everyone "The American Dream" and he spent his life and career searching for who can give Americans the type of world they were looking for. One free of war, propaganda, bigotry, and things that were just morally corrupt. He did it all while being himself. Doing things his way. That, I highly respect.

Here is the trailer. Check it out. Enjoy. And go see it.




*Thanks Tony Loya & Houston Chron for the tickets!!!*

coughed up my heart in the last stall...

sometimes i say the wrong thing, make the wrong face. i feel like at times I make it difficult to be loved, to be liked, to be considered a friend. I don't mean to do it. things just get lost in translation, lost words, contexts, actions, faces, ect. guess it's that fear of being alone, left behind, forgotten.

it's fine.
i'm fine.
we are fine.

Today is the day....

So excited for Today.

Heres to good company, good times, lots of beads :), and lots of dancing....

Happy Pride 2k8!



<3

in the end...

Despite all the arguments and disagreements, love and family will always prevail in the end....



she will always be remembered as a one of a kind grandmother...

Shampoo Suicide....

notice the man with the tv on his head.
"we are in love"

this same band once wrote "we hate your hate"


i hate your hate too.



love,
amy and broken social scene

You better not kill the groove...

So Thursday night, I found out I got my apartment I had been after for 2.5 weeks. Friday I moved in.

It's precious. It's me. And I love it. Slowly but surely, the decorating is beginning. I feel like that I made the right choice, so I'm looking forward to it all.

The first weekend as a city girl was pretty wonderful. Having friends stop by, driving only 1-2 miles to where I was going.

It is weird going to sleep here. Little lonely/feel very alone at some points if I'm home too long. But it's just me having to get used to living alone. And once I have everything unpacked, and set up, it will feel more like my own little home...


I'm looking forward to it very much..

Yesterday was a little frazzled at work. Long meetings in the morning, and then just some tedious work to do in the afternoons. So on the way home from work, I decided to stop and get a nice bottle of wine to drink at my house with dinner. When I walked in the door, I was plesantly suprised to see that we were going to be having a large family dinner, and that my family had already busted out a bottle of wine before I got there. So we all just opened up bottles and were just catching up on the days activites.

It was one of the best evenings I had had with them since the 3.5 months that I have been in Houston. Amazing conversation with everyone, laughter, kind banter.

Today, I went to the astros game. I was lucky enough to be given suite tickets (schweeeeet tickets). good friends, beers, $1 hot dogs, and 33,000 neighbors joining together for good times was a lovely change of pace for the evening.

I have some pretty lovely friends and family...

We will always be the one...

It's really hard sometimes to realize what I want in life. It is so hard for me to admit to myself things, be it good or bad. I had a bad night last night. I know that and I accept that. But today, I woke up, went to work, and didn't really think about what i was feeling last night too much, with the exception of a conversation online.

It's now getting close to bed, and I don't feel and haven't really felt the way i had last night at all today. I guess I know how to handle it, or at least know how not to handle it. I called a close friend before bed last night, and told her about how i felt. And she was so nice about everything. The moment was a little scary and she reminded me just how much I have changed the last 2 years. That meant a lot, and I'm glad to see the changes myself.

There is a quote in Juno that i adore. Juno asks her Dad about meeting someone and how will she know when she has find the one. I relate this quote to my waiting for real love and I also think that friendship should go by this same montra:

"Mac MacGuff: In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you
for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have
you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of
person that's worth sticking with."

I don't need my friends to think the sun shines out of my ass (*insert chuckle*), but it's nice to see when they are there for you for the good and the bad. I don't have too too much bad these days, but I hope they still love me just the same on my off days and that they know they are the ones that get me through the bad.

I'm not perfect, I'm not the best, but all I can say is that I try to be a good friend. I try to be as positive and happy as possible. I really do. And all I can do is try and give all the love and support that I can. And just hope for the same in return...

This song is beauty and hate to me all rolled into one.

I have not hated the world like I do right now in almost 1.5 -2 years. I never thought that the feelings, the hurt, the anger, and everything with it would ever come back as strong as they were the first time. I did fear they would come back one day, but not anytime soon or with deja vu' happenings. And it's not just by one event, one person, one comment, but a combination of so many things in a short amount of time.

I just cried a little while ago. Just sobbing. I was driving, and driving while crying isn't a good idea. but i didn't want to stop. I didn't want to go anywhere, because i felt like i had nowhere to go. I still don't feel like I have anywhere to go.

I know right now that emotions are high, it's been an exhausting weekend and it's finally all catching up to me. I think...i mean i know I can handle everything better now. I'm older, wiser, and i know what not to do to fix it. knowing how to fix it is another story.

They say that you cannot let anyone make you feel inferior with out your consent.
I didn't give my consent, but why do i still feel so terrible?

I saw sparks...

a favorite.

I'll always look out for you...

I had every intention of coming home today, and writing a blog about how i heard this song on the radio this morning. I heard it and i just had this hell yeah feeling. This feeling where i wanted to be in a dark room (possibly a roller rink for fun, because that is what the real music video's lights make me think of). I just had this feeling of singing/lipsincing this and just busting it out. Because I just didn't care. I didn't care what they thought, be it stupid, ugly, crazy, whatever. I just had this feeling like let's do this shit, let's tear it up. But I'm not.

Because then the day went on. and it sucked. i lost my apartment i was going to make an offer on. another instance on why i hate parade shitters.

my life is not completely in shambles, and i don't really have too much to complain about. but i feel like it's all crashing down around me. this domino effect that has been taking place the last couple of weeks.

I've been in love this last month with an old song by bright eyes called, "land locked blues." the line goes:

"if you love something, give it away..."


i wish i was given away...

It could be so much better than this...

I miss the get up kids. I just came across this song the other day at work.

i was walkin' with a ghost...

So I am 23 now. I think this was the oddest birthday I have ever had. I guess this what happens when you get older. It was not a bad birthday, it was just different. I guess that my life is different now.

I am not in college anymore, and that to me is still very odd. I have not fully gotten used to the thought of how I won't be going back. Ever. But I don't think that is a bad thing. I'm so excited at the possibilities of what is to come. New adventures, new people, new friends, old friends in houston, and new secrets and things that bring a smile to my face...

Here is to next step.

I've been listening to this album for about 3 or 4 years. And it is still one of my favorite albums. It's one of those that you can listen to having a good day or bad. Tonight, this song is one of the most beautiful songs that I could come across.



Yeah, you come to mind

my fake....

And if I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted
All the time, all the time.
Oh, oh.

every now and then I get like this....

Pete Yorn- "all at once"
(try not to let the cunt yelling ruin the song for you.)

--------
all at once
i bring my silence
all at once
there is no more hiding
and all he wants
is to show us how it feels...




all liars in the backroom,
watch them all go down,
they can tell you what you want to hear,
but they will never stick around

I feel that my luck could change...

Everything in its Right Place


This is someone's video from the Radiohead show I was at last night. This was one of my favorite songs that they did.

Here is their set-list from last night's show:
1. 15 Step
2. Bodysnatchers
3. Lucky
4. Morning Bell
5. Nude
6. Pyramid Song
7. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
8. The Gloaming
9. National Anthem
10. Faust Arp
11. Videotape
12. Optimistic
13. Where I End and You Begin
14. Reckoner
15. Everything In Its Right Place
16. All I Need
17. There There

Encore:
Jigsaw Falling Into Place
House of Cards
Climbing Up The Walls
Planet Telex
Street Spirit (fade out)

Encore 2:
You And Whose Army?
Idioteque


It was an amazing show. I'm so glad that I got to share it with my friends. I got a little teary eyed during lucky, a huge personal favorite. Magical, mind-blowing, and visually spectacular....and beautiful. I guess that is the best way to describe it.

There's a pretty, young thing in front of you...and she's real pretty, and she's real into you...

so much has happened this week.
good.
bad.
horrible.
the worst.

But I guess I got through the cusp. above the cusp? I'm starting to see more, I've got my eyes open, glasses on, and I'm just trying to look on, look ahead. I just want to learn from my mistakes and work very hard not to repeat them.

Tomorrow, my friends come to town. Saturday, my friends come to town. And though they aren't necessarily coming to see me, I'm pretty excited to get to see them and my friends living in Houston now.

Saturday, Radiohead comes to town. Radiohead with 15 of my friends? I can't even fathom it.

I've been listening to this song all week. I love it. Kind of depressing lyrics, but it's hard not to dance and smile to it. I have a great memory with this song in my past. Now, it has a whole new meaning.

So I went up to college station on friday night. I had a prior engagement and went up to see some friends graduate and just to visit. short, but nice. It's nice to see old faces.

Spent the evening last night with the extended hansens. my little matty is all grown up.

Instead of going out last night, decided to call it a night early. Thank goodness I got home early.
I was sleeping and I work up to a storm. Just thought it was a regular, but then i heard these noises
turns out it was a tornado.

a little frightening. not going to lie. I thought it was just the tree next to my window. turns out it was the tree and a combination of baseball size hell. Felt a little like the sound of music, when the children were frightened by the weather. I tried to just hide under my covers, but the noise was horrible. luckily it did not last that long. no damage to my car.

but what a strange sight to see of piles or hail (ice) all over the yard in the middle of may.

you're screaming out the window at the stars, "please don't drive me home..."

if there is only one thing that i know i will have for the rest of my life, be it long or short, i know for certain what it is.

it is love.


That may sound ridiculous to you or someone else, but to me, it is the truth. I could never not love. No matter how stressful, crappy, or tiring life could be, there is something i love. I love my friends. Every part of them. I know most of them know that I'll be there for them in the end, there when they need someone, there as much as I could be.

I love trees. I love stars. I love their beauty with every ounce of my body. I would hug all the trees and stars in the world, in the universe, if i could. Just to tell them how grateful I am to them and everything they have given me. Sure they have given me shelter and light, but what they may not all realize is how much they have brought me closer to my friends, the people i care most about in my life. They brought us together through songs about them, to sitting underneath them to share stories, secrets, or laughter. To guiding us in the night time when we had no other light when walking down the streets when our parents were still sleeping, to those nights on cliffs, roofs, runways, driveways, open roads, city roads, anywhere where we got to admire their splendor.

I've had tears built up all afternoon in my eyes. I thought that they would come out about something else, but now they have left my eyes because I'm so happy thinking how lucky I have been in life. Lucky in my friends. Though I don't live in the same city as some of them right now, and some I may never live in the same city with every again, I am so lucky to have had those times. To spend time and moments and experiences that people that I loved and that at least for that moment, loved me too.

I will always love those memories.i will always love these memories. i will always love trees. i will always love stars. and i will always love my friends.

...I came here on a train, in search of something pretty, it's my heart i have to blame...

the second day was much better than the first.
it's crazy to think that this is my new life.
I work on the 11th floor of an office in the galleria area.
I have a cubicle, a work email, and my own extension.

work is already getting so crazy. it's a little frightening.
i think i'll be ok.
in the end, i'll be ok.

Parallel lines-kings of convenience

I start my new job in about an hour.

I'm scared shitless, and all I can think to myself is,

"How did I get here and what am i doing?"

land locked blues

so much has been happening, so many thoughts in my head....

I've had quite a few things that have been weighing heavy on my heart. I guess secrets will do that to you. I've been debating about what to do about a situation for awhile now, but this past week/weekend, I've really been thinking about it because i've had some down time and other factors.

I've been working all weekend from my house on my freelance gig stuff. And today at the house, my aunt and uncle were watching their grandkids, who are 2(3?) and 5. Callie is the younger one. We were driving them over to their new house after dinner so I could see my cousin and our painting skills we had been working on all weekend. I was listening to this wonderful song on the radio that i wish i knew what it was, but all i can remember is a line being repeated this is something around the extent of "I feel like I would know myself a little bit better..." and Callie was sitting in my lap (it was the backseat and we were only 8 blocks in the 'burbs). She and I were both just looking out the window as we were being driven there. We were both just watching the world go by.

I don't really want to just watch my life. I want to actually live it. I really need to determine what exactly I want in life. I think I tell myself often that I don't want certain things because of a fear of rejection. But I don't think I should have to settle because of that fear. There is no reason that I should not be deserving of things. Not all things, but some. I shouldn't cheat myself out of life or happiness because i'm scared.

I'm scared of so much though. Failure, being alone, sadness, being disliked, or passed aside. Those consequences scare the crap out of me. But what is a life worth living if you don't take risks and don't go after what your heart really wants?

I'm not saying I'm looking for "the next best thing" or always looking for something better. But where is the line of deserving better and having what you need?



i thought i knew what to do....but i don't.

The Kanye West Glow In The Dark Tour Recap

performers: lupe fiasco, n.e.r.d., rihanna, and kanye

all 4 acts were amazing. ri-ri was unbelievable. she was probably one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen in my life. The kanye show was visually amazing. his acting was a little bit ridiculous at time. I'm not looking forward to the complaints from the screens going out....

well worth the money spent on tickets...

this may be bad luck, but fingers crossed it won't be! *ba-dum-dum-chhhh*

so i just found a fortune cookie in the office kitchen.
so i ate it as a snack.
here is what the fortune said.

"no need to worry! you will always have everything you need."



i hope that is true. :/

....on a leash

I accepted the live nation job.
I start next week.
I realize just how incredible awkward i can be at times, and it makes me want to chooch.



guhhhhhhhh. I wish i could have this awkward bone removed from my body, but then what would my friends have to laugh at me for.......

big girls don't cry...

I got the job offer from live nation yesterday.

some days ARE aces.....

so i may get paid shit at work. but i've always said the perks are unbelievable.

today's greatness:
1. having mama ninfas cater our lunch today.
2. getting to make a 45 minute business run to specs.
3. Starting happy hour at work, pre 5 p.m.


I may still be at work now, but what a glorious, glorious day it has been.

these words you forget....

in the words of mr. john mayer....


I'm waiting for the world to change...

no news yet about the job.
new place to live in the works. i'm excited.
I don't like this video much, so just close your eyes and listen to it...

eep

I got news today that I am getting very good news tomorrow.

sigh.

tri-colored goldfish...

i haven't remembered a dream in weeks.
I remembered last nights.
It had many strange things in it.
But it also had something really amazing in it.
And that makes me smile, and that brings me some happiness to these weary days...

live through this and you won't look back

j'ai obtenu qu'il y a presque deux ans. Il est allé avec un temps très important de ma vie. Je moment où j'étais triste et blessé par le monde autour de moi. J'ai obtenu par lui. Je ne regarde pas en arrière vraiment à ce moment-là. J'ai passé, ai appris, me suis développé, et ai pardonné de ce temps. Mais j'essaye de rapporter le vers dans ma croyance. J'obtiendrai par le tout ceci. nous traversant tout de phase ceci. J'espère que nous ne regardons pas en arrière. J'espère que nous pouvons juste avancer.

je suis désolé...

it's all gonna break......GONNA BREAK!

i love and hate life right now. I guess i kinda knew going into this weekend, it would be good and bad. And it was both.

I'm glad i got to see my friends from college, and I'm glad I got to see my friends from now. It's still so hard sometimes to be back. I think that is one of the reasons I was subconciously not going back for so long. I've only been out of college for 4 months, but I have changed so much since then. I'm not the same, and I don't think that is a bad thing. I actually kind of like it. I just feel so much pressure to be the Amy they remember or think they know. The mash and the smash. It's rough, and I try to, but it usually ends with me being drunk. too. I tried so hard to not be defined as that. I hope that I can start being a little bit more honest next time I go back, and i hope my friends will not think bad of me.

I fucked up on saturday afternoon. I got confused, I got forgetful, and I was just distracted in my own thoughts and situations. I felt and still feel awful about it. If I have learned anything through the lives of myself and my friends these last 4.5 months is that we all fuck up. And hopefully with love and forgiveness, we can get through it all.


With my own life? my actions?
I hope I'm doing ok....i hope that it will all be the same in the end.

I am fine.

you say goodbye, i say hello

likes:
watching the office...all evening
getting to go to college station tomorrow to see friends
work going good
sneaky things. my own secrets and doings.

hehehe

we've got eyes that leave us in places we don't see...

my favorite song on feel good lost. my favorite instrumental song of theirs.

So I spent the weekend w/ the gonzales. it was wonderful. I got to see some sully, some matt d., and a little em. though the four + hour way sucks balls to drive alone, it was well worth the trip. I wish I would have been able to see Amanda, but hopefully next time around.

So this weekend was the start of getting to see my friends for four weekends in a row. CRAZY. It will be a good and bad thing. I miss them like crazy, but the overload of them will make me miss them a lot. But that is the life of being a grown up.

Today, the whole way back from FW, i took pictures of the scenery. Lot of pictures of overpasses, trees, wildflowers, the giant sam houston in huntsville, and then downtown houston. I forget just how much i love pictures like that. Pictures that you can just get lost in, imagining yourself in them or what was going on around the picture at the time.

only five more days....

I can't close my eyes and make it go away...

I had a wonderful and fun weekend with stephanie. With lots of friend time (her, sara, the tonys, and ms. alysha).
Spent all day Sunday watching the Lword.
I've been to two very fun fundraisers since Saturday.
I had a phone interview today, which will hopefully become a better situation to what it is.

I saw two very good shows Monday & Tuesday Night.

Monday: Tokyo Police Club & Eagle Seagull

Tuesday: Saul Williams

karma.

i got into a car wreck tonight. it sucked.

what you know you have and what you think you want is never perfect

thing i like about today:
-laughing all day at work
-having money to pay the bills
-getting to work out
-buying dinner for my fam at pho21
-catching up with friends while at work
-looking forward to tokyo police club & saul williams next week
-listening to jenny lewis & the watson twins

what i don't like about today:
-arguing with people i care about
-having to redo a project
-worrying about love ones because they are so sick.
-missing my friends
-not being perfect. that sounds silly. I don't try to be perfect. I just try not mess up. I hate the feeling of messing up. I don't mean at with work, but messing up with life.

A very good family friend passed away this afternoon. I have known her my whole life. She taught my brother in Beaumont, and she was a close neighbor in sour lake. She was a swim team mom, a soccer mom, a band mom, she and i would talk and have drinks together at new year's eve bonfires and 4th of july bonfires. I can honestly say she was one of the most incredible women I've ever known. She had a faith that never seemed to dwindle, a family that loved her so much and thought so highly of her, and she had a heart and kindness that I haven't seen in many. After all these years, after I've changed so much the last 5 years since I've left sour lake, she always recognized me and always gave me a big hug and truly seemed to be excited to see me. She had this ability to make anyone feel loved the instant they saw her.

I cannot imagine Mr. Duff, Amy, Ali, and Christopher having to start living in this world without their wife and mother. She was a truly remarkable woman. She was a woman that I strive to even be half as comparable to, and a person we should all strive to be like. She will be someone very missed, but I can already tell you I've been seeing her through the life and actions of her children for years upon years now.

all my love goes to ms. theresa and to the family and extended family of the duffels....

when is this movie going to come out on dvd....

I'm bored at work. listening to the juno soundtrack. Enjoy.

The Kink's "A Well Respected Man"


Kimya Dawson "Tire Swing"


Matt the Hople "All the Young Dudes"


Cat Power "Sea of Love"


Michael Cera & Ellen Page "Anyone Else Buy You"



I like listening to these songs and thinking about the people it reminds me.

i carry your heart within my heart...

It was a great easter. Chatt came in last night to hang out, so he watched me back cupcakes, then we grabbed some pho 21, then we just hung around the house watching tennis with my aunt and the office.

This morning was when i started cooking my easter brunch feast. I made chocolate chip pancakes, bacon, eggs benedict, bourbon beef tenderloin, croissants, roasted asparagus, the cupcakes from last night, and chocolate chip cookies. It was more food then needed, and though I planned on just cooking it all myself, everyone there chipped in which made the meal and the day even better. Uncle Tom grilled the tenderloin, vicki and april helped with the asparagus, and chatt helped me fry eggs. And the whole morning we drank mimosas.

After lunch, Chatt and I drove down to Kemah and the bay. it was a beautiful day. He convinced me to ride the boardwalk bullet. It was good fun. Then...nap till now. Now I'm about to make myself go back to sleep in preperation for the week.

It was great to spend the day with family and a great friend. I have a lot a head of me in getting used to Houston being my new home (which hopefully it will turn out into). But I feel I'm off to a somewhat good start. I'm so glad to have Chatt so close. He is a great friend, that I missed tremedously the last semester of school. So to build this new chapter of my life with an old friend, it feels pretty good....

you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here...

I have drunkenly commented in the past, but secretly feel that Semisonic's song "Closing Time" is one of the greatest songs that has come out while we were growing up. It might actually be a remake from Leonard Cohen (que?), but i just fucking love this song. I could listen to it everyday, and have no problem with it.

here is the video, enjoy (though the quality of the video suggests that somone filmed it while watching it off MTV of something. S'NICE!)



So i'm ending on my 22 hour trip home. It had it's ups and down. In a little under 2 hours we will be having family dinner. YIKES. My brothe's fiance and her children bailed. So now i have to wait for a phone call from her asking if I will be her maid of honor. She i have only met her once for only 2 hours and it was 4 years ago, but that apperently still qualifies me for being her m.o.h (or as the phof knows it maid of dishonor)

So post-sxsw. I feel alittle empty. I was hoping for some really great time with friends, and it wasn't the dream i imagined. I believe you learn from everything. I don't like to regret anything i have done, I'd rather learn from it. I'm still trying to figure out what i have learned from all of this. Don't try so hard to please people? don't bust your balls for anyone but yourself? I don't really know. I know i love the friends i have. pretty much no matter what. we've all hurt each other in one form or another for different reasons and different circumstances. I just hope that we can remember the good times to keep us going to get through the rough stuff, and get back to the good stuff.

<3

i am ready, i am ready, i am ready, i am fine...

Known to some but more to few, I almost went to film school out of high school instead of A&M. I used to be a huge admirer of film, but over the years music has filled up more of my time.

I still have quite a few strong views about film. One thing I like to consider of state is about my love for when film and music can merge into one being of just utter genius. A clip where the music fits so perfectly with the actions on the screen, you believe that no other song could be placed there.

Here are some favorites:

Fight Club-last scene-song: The Pixies "Where is my mind?"



Cruel Intentions-the first-song: Counting Crows "Color Blind"



Half Nelson-at a loss over a lover gone: Broken Social Scene "Lover's Spit" (Feist Version)



The whole Half Nelson movie is scored by broken social scene. It is an example of sheer beauty; how the two intertwine to tell a heart wrenching story of friendship, lonelyness, and trying to survive.

anthem of a 17 year old girl

i spent most of work today listening to the discovery of broken social scene. i love broken social scene days. they are just so serene and so wonderful. For the past few days I have been replaying the move Half Nelson in my head. It is such an amazing movie, with sad parts and happy parts. But just beautifully acted, and the whole score of the movie is done by broken social scene.

Sometimes I wonder what life could be like if i could have my own soundtrack. To where if someone was watching my life, what they would be hearing. I wish I could live a life through broken social scene. I wonder if viewers would view my life as more beautiful or find it bearable with the sounds of broken social scene? would they love it is their own or not regret it because of the music? just another random thought, I guess...

I got some very exciting news at work today. I don't want to think too much about, but I hope it works out in my advantage....

MSRBLE & SCK

So i'm listening to MSTRKRFT at work; rubbing it into myself that I didn't get to see them Saturday night at sxsw.

I don't collect my thoughts enough, so I'm going to try to start writing more during down time.

All is Full of Love...

So, driving home from Austin yesterday and to work today in Houston, I've been listening non-stop to Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie. I forgot just how good that album is (the bonus is that there is also an ep on it thanks to this burned copy from Mr. Steev Sachs circa 2004).

I'm looking forward to putting a post just of great lyrics from this album, but give me time because I'm at work...

SXSW 2008 Re-cap

The following was a quote about what I expected from SXSW (my first non-spring break as an adult):

"The week should be filled with laughter, good times, good music, new people, new clothes, boooooze"

This is what i got:
-some laughter
-goodtimes

It was a pretty shitty week. Granted i do have some good memories, but the bad (and there was a lot of bad) trump most of the events. Never volunteering for SXSW, EVER.

Highlights:
-seeing Lou Reed perform
-the Levis/Fader party (free booze...good and bad thing)
-meeting Mike from the cool kids. We had a connection
-locking eyes with pharrell, and being so close to him we could have made out (and we might have should have)
-seeing JD from Le Tigre/Men (TWICE!)
-seeing long, lost old friends.
-Marcus being 21 (still)
-seeing perry farrel & tom morello so close.
-N.E.R.D. performance

So some good after all, but still sure glad to be back in Houston.

Words are better than 1000 flowers...

I'm a little behind, but oh well. A quick recap of the passing days.

1. i got offered a temporary job doing promotions for kenny chesney in houston.
2. I've been living and working here for 3 weeks.
3. i love it, and the people i work for our great.
4. living with my aunt vicki and uncle tom has been fab.
5. marcus is now 21 and we got drink drank drunk together.
6. i'm now dating a blackberry i bought two weeks ago. it is love at first sight, and we go everywhere together.

Today, I am leaving for SXSW. I get to spend 5 nights and 6 days with the love of my life, sully sullivan. I. CANNOT. WAIT.

The week should be filled with laughter, good times, good music, new people, new clothes, boooooze.

the ATX will not be the same.

taking that night train, taking that night train down...

So i just spent a 4 day weekend in College Station. It was a great time. phof reunion, marcus and I got married, head band night at paddocks, limbo, no pants dance parties. So many new memories. I really am quite so lucky to have the friends that I have in my life I do not want to grow up, but I realize now that I have to. I'm about to be 23 years old. I'm a college graduate, and I need to start acting like it. But I'm glad i still have so many great reasons to go back and visit.

whiskey may warm your body temp, but it freezes your memory

so this weekend should have been grand. gonzales was in town, and she, luxton, and I went to go see michael showalter (funny) and michael ian black (ehh). the show was outside, and it was 30 degrees. to stay warm, jess and i just kept drinking whiskey.

it would have been fine if we had just gone home, but we met nena's dad. where we took shots. and apperently i made him and the girls take pictures all over 5th and sixth street. and he bought us bratwursts. Not much memory of this.

neither did much of any of us. but I can tell you about me excellent spanish skills while drinking, and how our cab driver sang to us the whole way back....

more than words...

title.

so this title.  en route is one of my favorite titles for my scenery pictures when i'm driving.  i love pictures while driving.  the open road has been a an outlet of great comfort for me for many years now.  Indefinitely, i have to admit, is something that kind of stuck with me from the movie notting hill.  I by no means find that movie stimulating or life changing, but that word.  julia roberts says that word when she says she will stay in london to be with hugh grant as long as she wants.  I use it because i will be on this journey (no, i will not refer to it as "the journey of life") for an undisclosed amount of time.  i don't know how long.  but awhile.  I'm on a journey to find a new job, to start a new life in austin, to determine what to do about my old life in college station, to determine who i'll continue on this journey with.

the thought of finding a job scares the shit out of me.  the thought of falling in love with life again?  I can't even begin to tell you how thrilled I am over the situation.